Dear Readers,


I trust this edition of our newsletter finds you in tip-top physical and mental condition and ready to get your teeth, protruding or not, firmly stuck into whatever you have on your agenda for the coming weekend: I know I certainly am; however, I’ve been at a bit of a loss recently in regards to thinking of activities for my children to get involved in at the weekend.


At the moment, I just have my son, Oliver, to think about because my daughter Emma is currently away from Japan, I hope studying,and as Oliver’s  pretty much a “go anywhere and have a go at anything” sort of boy, I thought I would try to get him out to a place, actually a museum of sorts, that I’ve personally been wanting to visit for quite some time now which is close to where I live in Kawasaki – – I thought he would be interested in going because he always talks about the school trips he has to such places in an interested way, but unfortunately not.  After my trying to persuade him that going to Nihinminkaen would be fun, educational and also stomach filling: there are cafes and noodle shops inside the main complex, he basically turned around and said, “I ‘m not interested and I don’t want to go, if you want to go then please be my guest, I can always stay at home and amuse myself here”  I want to go bowling and fishing, so that’s what we ended up doing: we went bowling in the Prince Hotel and fishing to a small place with a couple of small ponds at the back of Shinagawa Goos We managed to get a few strikes in between us in the bowling alley, but in terms of strikes in the pond, well, let’s just say that by the time we got tackled and baited up all the fish had decided that they were tired of being caught and thrown back, they’d had their fill and bit of excitement for the day and it was time for them to hit the pond bed for to get some well deserved shut-eye.  Apart from one or two close calls we ended up with nothing to show for our couple of hours sitting, standing up, walking around, sitting again, more sitting and standing up, but we all had a good time as a family, which I believe counts for everything.


The following poem has absolutely got nothing to do with going out at the weekend in search of new and exciting things to do with your children, at least I don’t think it has; it’s just collection of a hundred odd nonsensical words put together inside a couple of handfuls of silly sentences to basically amuse myself and perhaps others like me that are given, on occasions, to being extremely sarcastic and silly.  Until next week, take care of yourselves.


For your reference, this is a first time conversation between Con (Connor) Dom (Dominic) and Nick (Nicholas), 3 English teachers that have lived in Japan for a varying amount of years.  The conversation gets a bit heated, and baring one of them walking away with a bloody nose at the end, temporarily enlightened having listened to one or two home-truths, friendships are formed.


Con, Dom and Nick
Hi. I’m Con.
Hey Con, I’m Dom.
Hello Con and Dom, I’m Nick.
Where are you from Con?
I’m from Hong Kong, you Dom?
The United Kingdom, yourself Nick
Canada, New Brunswick is where I hail from, how long you been in Japan Con?
13 years and 10 of them too long.
How about you Dom?
Almost as long as Con, but it feels like only two.
Only two, Dom? Where has the other 11 gone?
Time passes quick, Nick. And what about you terms of length?
Length? Are you referring to the years I’ve been in Japan?
What else do you think I mean, Nick.
You used the word “length” I was slow to cotton on. I’ve been here for 1 year and I’ll tell you now, I’m never going back.
That’s a bold statement to make, Jack.
My names’s not Jack, it’s Nick.
Well Mick, what you’ve just said makes me feel sick; I’d better go before I’m forced me to fight my way out of this conversation with my fists and a stick.
Just a minute Dom.
Yes, Con.
I think all that lot’s uncalled for, as well as a bit thick?  You should aplogise to Nick.
Thanks Con, but I don’t need an apology from Dom, he’s just a good example of someone that’s been away too long from where he’s originally from.
Is that right Dick?
You tell me Dom, am I wrong?  And for the last time, my name’s not Dick, it’s Nick.
You’re right Rick, I’ve been here way too long, no songs left to sing, no bells left to ring and no bing left in my bong.
That’s it, you’re not dancing anymore on my dance floor ……….. now pick yourself up and get on your way.
The thing is, I don’t know why you’re so upset.
That’s the thing, what you don’t understand you’ll never get, you want to count yourself lucky it’s me and Nick that you met.
Earlier, you spoke about fighting yourself out of this conversation, it seems to me that you’ve made it your life’s occupation.
You couldn’t fight your way out of a bag made out of recycled encyclopedias, so stop wasting your time and that of others, and just learn to listen and  toe the line.
I appreciate the advice and that’s what I’ll try to do from now on, thanks Con.
What do you think Dom ’ll do Nick?
I think he’ll do exactly what he’s just done with us, he’ll always go too far because that’s his shtick, and he’ll continue on forever receiving punches on his shnoz and kicks to his ribs.

A poem of sorts by Stephen Austwick.