Dear All,

I hope this week’s edition of our newsletter finds you in fine health and even finer spirits when it drops into your “in box”, and you either click it open or you simply just browse through the content page and then throw it away because there is simply nothing of any interest worth clicking open, or you’re frightened that if you do open it you’ll end up getting infected by a virus.

I think we all get a lot of emails sent to us that either look a bit suspicious or just don’t look interesting enough to click open and a great many of us just throw them away as soon as we receive them. For the poor unsuspecting ones amongst us, of which there are still a few around, myself included not too long ago, we do at times get caught out, and when we do, (I’ll just repeat that for more emphasis), when we do, we end up in right pickle and I’m not talking the sweet tasting, I’m good with anything variety, I’m talking about pickle from the devil’s own pantry, the sourest most vile tasting condiment you could ever wish to spoon out of a jar and pop onto the side of a plate. Computer viruses are easy to catch and very difficult and very costly, in both time and money, to get rid of, so make sure you protect yourself as much as you can with antivirus spyware and malware software protection, and I’m not talking about the free downloadable stuff that seems to be readily available on the net, I’m talking about the stuff that involves parting with pennies.

Up until very recently, I wasn’t practicing what I’m currently preaching because most of the computers in the office where I am currently sitting and tapping away on a keyboard in did not have suitable antivirus software fitted, actually most of them didn’t have any antivirus software installed at all. However, after one or two rather serious situations in which company data was lost, it was finally decided that it was time for us to pay someone to come over and install some much needed antiviral protection. Until next week, keep well and if you don’t want your computer to catch anything, make sure it’s suitably protected.

Knickers up to non-clickers and knickers down to the ones that do

I don’t wear any knickers, but if I did they’d be pulled right up to my chest.
I’m just a newsletter, I’m harmless, I’m being sent to try to interest you,
and perhaps even educate and amuse you at the same time.
I’m made up of poetry purposely written to move from the ridiculous to the sublime.
Lots of time has been spent on collecting stimulating stories to make sure you get high on my content.
I’ve been created to brighten up your existence from a distance, so why am I feeling all this resistance,
go on click me, you know you want to.

I enter into your inbox every week.
Almost as regular as clockwork.
Hoping that you will open me up and give one of my links a click.
I can see you’re aroused after having browsed through my contents.
What on earth’s stopping you from giving me a darn good clicking?
If you don’t, I bet it’ll be something that you’ll regret.
Go on click me, you know you want to.

Why are you hesitating when I can see you’re salivating.
Your finger’s now on the mouse’s scroll, all you have to do is go up and down and click,
then let your cat out of its bag and let it chase the mouse into its hole.
You’ve got all you need in the palm of your hand, but it appears your head’s buried in sand.
You have knickers on and they appear to be wrapped right around your ankles, your sole is bared.
Go on click me, you know you want to.
There’s no reason to be scared.

A poem by Stephen Austwick.