comicHi to all of you out there yet again. What a wreaker of a week it’s been, don’t worry I’m not going to start on a journey down toilet humour avenue, but seriously folks, for a whole number of reasons it’s been a week that I quickly want to forget. We all have such weeks,
that’s a fact, and we’ll continue to have them from time to time, we have to tell ourselves we need them, and that they are in some cases as important as the ones we want to remember, in many respects they are the ones that create the memorable ones.

I would like to launch myself straight into a poem (of sorts ) about my week. It is one of those cynical type pieces of prose, granted, it’s a bit vulgar and double entendreish in places, but my intention is not to offend anyone or anything by the way the words have been meshed together to create the verses. Thank you in advance for reading and I’ll catch up with you all next Friday, same time, same place. Until then, make sure you always bend down and fall onto one knee to tie your shoes laces, never do it from an arched standing position, otherwise you’ll do yourself a mischief.

Shitie for shortie

Someone asked me a question the other day.
And what I said was not at first.
What he expected me to say.
Finally through talking my answer became very clear.
It really is important to take time to listen.
To make sure that you are able to hear.
Otherwise a misunderstanding will certainly appear.

This is the question he asked me.
“If you could sum up teaching English
inside the Japanese education system
in one word, what would it be?”
To which I replied, SHITIE.
“I beg you pardon.
That’s uncalled for, there’s no need
to use bad language”.
“I’m not, my man, far from it, I’m just providing you
with a suitable filling for your questionable sandwich”.
“If you don’t mind me saying so,
it’s still a rather unusual retort”.
It’s not at all, SHITIE is short
for Senior High Integrated teaching in English.
It’s an abbreviation, it’s not meant as an evaluation”.
“Let me explain:
SHITIE is not the same as other textbooks
that you can buy off the shelf.
It’s a textbook that you can easily make fit into yourself,
and what you do in the clAss
It allows you to see what teaching English is about,
and what it will always ever be about in a land divided by the sea.
It’s like if you ever wanted to write a book yourself,
you’d surely want it to be SHITIE.”

“I see, thank you for clearing that one up.
I really thought you were being course and rude,
and had an enjoyment for using profanity”.
“No, but like the next man , I occasionally f and blind,
but that takes nothing away from my principles of morality.
I also enjoy a drink, a smoke and other frivolity.
But I certainly have no issues with my identity.”

“It’s time to wrap up this bit of poetry.
And what better way to do it than focus back on SHITIE.
This textbook is definitely distinkt.
It has a brown cover and from faeces
it has been inked.
The words are powerfully pungent and really stick
when they have been read.
Then in through the student’s ears they then get fed.
They feverishly get eaten up, digested,
and then moved into the head.
With the memory then performing a bowel movement
to evacuate all read and said redundancy.
The main sales point of this textbook is definitely its pungency.

A poem by Stephen Austwick